I choose to write about this topic because our intimate relationships are what determine the outcomes of all we do in life, and consciously transforming it day by day will enhance our outcomes. Conscious Man Transformation could take place at financial level, career level, spiritual level, family level, character level, mental level etc, not only in relationship. But I decided to first start with relationship, and I strongly believed that once the relationship aspect is being taken care of, other aspect or level of life will fall into place. First, we have to become aware of where we are right now in our relationship level, and figure out things that would enable us accomplish more in life to live exceptionally.
As human beings have become increasingly identified with their mind, most relationship are not rooted in their true nature anymore and so turn into a source of pain instead of happiness and become dominated by problems and complicit. Most people are now living alone or as single parents, unable to establish an intimate relationship or unwilling to repeat the insane drama of past relationship. Others go from one relationship to another, from one pleasure-and-pain cycle to another in search of true love or fulfillment through union with the opposite energy polarity. Some other set of people on their own, compromise their values and continues to be together in an unfulfilling relationship in which negativity prevails, for the sake of the children or security, through force of habit, fear of being alone.
However, every crisis represents not only a danger but also opportunity to grow and become conscious of your relationship level. If relationships energize and magnify egoic mind patterns and activate the pain-body, as they do at this time, why not accept this fact rather than trying to escape from it? Why not cooperate with the truth about the relationship instead of avoiding or pretending it doesn’t exist at the first place? The opportunity that’s concealed within every crisis in a relationship does not manifest until the facts of any given situation are acknowledged and fully accepted. As long as you still deny the problems or the crisis in your relationship, as long as you try to escape from them or wish that things were different, the window of opportunity won’t open for a total conscious transformation, and you would remain trapped inside that situation, which will remain same for a long time or deteriorate further.
With the acknowledgment and acceptance of the facts also comes a degree of freedom from them at the same time. For example, when you know there is disharmony in your relationship and you hold that knowing, through your knowing that a new factor has come in, and the disharmony cannot remain unchanged. When you know you are not at peace with your partner, your knowing creates space that surrounds your non-peace in a loving and tender embrace and then transforms your non-peace into peace by seeking for possible outcome to bring your partner to the same alignment. As far as man’s inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t transform yourself alone, and you certainly can’t transform your partner or anybody else, unless there were enough rooms for acceptance and acknowledgement of the crisis. All you can do is to create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.
Becoming Conscious of Your Relationship
Are you dissatisfied with your intimate relationship right now? Are you wondering why you keep on attracting some certain people in your life and not others? How open are you with your current relationship with your partner? Has the sexual tension in your relationship decreased, and you don’t know why? Are you struggling or dying in pains because you are afraid of being alone? Do you find yourself clinging to your partners, and fearing they may abandon you for another person? Do you have hard time trusting others? If you answer yes to any of these questions you are ready for conscious relationship transformation.
The outcome of every relationship is often determined by the foundations on which the relationship was built with or started with at the first place. Most guys often used techniques they learned from relationship experts and coach to initiate their first and use it for a long time. They aren’t in alignment with who they are because they think once the outer game is been perfected with techniques everything will move as they planned. They forget and pay little attention to their inner game which is their true self and do exactly what the experts told them to do because of fear.
I’m often amazed at the silly machinations people go through when they are interested in beginning a relationship with someone. Fear causes most guys to miss all sorts of opportunities and overcomplicate things to the point of being ridiculous. Imagine how simple relationships would be if fear were removed from the picture white initiating one. If you like someone, just go tell them and ask if they feel same. How simple is that? in a matter of minutes, you are able to move on one way of the other. When you move beyond your fears, your accuracy will increase as well, so you won’t even ask the question except when you know you are going to get a yes. If you get a no, it just means you misread the other person, but that really isn’t a big deal. Getting rejected unblocks your energy and frees it up to attract someone else that will truly love you.
The problem with Technique based methods
There are some people who teach men how to relate to woman using a variety of techniques, some of which can be very manipulative and inauthentic. Some of these guys refer to themselves as seduction experts or relationship coach gurus. They tell you what to say and do to get a woman to react in a certain predictable ways. The truth is that many of these techniques work, at least in the beginning. I can attest to that because I’ve seen people demonstrating this stuff right in front of me. But this approach has some major draw backs in conscious man transformation in relationship level. First, the woman you are going to attract with such tricks will likely be very immature and insecure. That’s why those techniques work on them. But hopefully your goal is not to attract insecure girls and have a lot of childish drama in your relationships. You really wouldn’t want to be stuck in a long-term relationship with a woman you can capture like this. A woman who would make a great relationship partner might be curious about you at first, but she will soon be turned off when she discovers that there is not much of a man behind what you projects to her.
However, I must admit that some men are initially helped by these sorts of techniques to gets girls attention which on the other hand, refer it as outer game. Learning some outer game techniques can help most guys move past fear and hesitation and at least start conversation with ladies they find attractive. It’s still a bandage for low self-esteem, but it can help men to take action and start making changes. It gets people started on a path of transforming their social lives, which can be positive development overall, as long as you don’t get stuck at the level of social tactics.
Eventually the men who begin with outer game techniques get frustrated, especially if they have some success with it. They may get good at approaching women, starting conversations with women, and getting dates. Their sex lives may also improve dramatically, but the connections are inauthentic and only inches deep and most of their new relationships usually don’t last more than few weeks. Techniques can open the door, but they aren’t enough to create lasting love and connections that will stand the test of time in long term relationships. But have you ever stop to think about it, why most relationships are not working any longer? People act and think like a programmed machines nowadays. For ladies, when a guy is meeting them for the first, they’re already know what he’s going to say because the techniques in not new for them anymore. The whole thing is just boring; they can’t genuinely find most guys attractive. The outer game is just like what everyone else there is doing because techniques have taken the place of the inner game. How is that helping you so far? Are you comfortable with the result you are getting lately? Are you genuinely confident enough to consciously transform yourself in your relationship level?
I have seen the same in the field of public speaking. Some speakers become masters of technique. They polish their use of vocal variety gestures, and stage blocking. They learn storytelling and word smiting techniques to deliberately shift people’s emotions. They develop amazing stage presence and charisma. But their message remains shallow and derivative. There’s no real substance behind their words. Speaking is treated as a skill that can be used to make money and get applause. In their private lives, these same people tend to be rather miserable. They have the outer game down pat, but the inner game is missing completely. They often feel empty inside and suffer bouts of depression and loneliness often they will disconnect from their feelings by focusing on drugs to keep their motivation high, money and fame to paint the outside white. But they aren’t happy and fulfilled in their relationship.
Techniques do have their place in conscious man transformation in relationship level, but they should serve to enhance who are not using it to cover who you are not. Using techniques is like wearing a mask but you can’t wear it for a long time, once the mask is been removed, the real personality will show up. A collection of techniques shouldn’t serve as a social mask you hide behind while relating with ladies. If a technique makes you feel inauthentic, don’t use it more, because at the end you will miss real opportunity you would have use to connect to your soul mate and build a lasting relationship. Most experts only teach from their own personal experience and what discovered during research, not yours. They never feel your feelings, think your thoughts; rather they want you to use techniques everyone out there is using, not mind of that would work for you at the first place.
Upgrading Your inner Game
Inner game is about developing yourself from the inside. This includes what’s happening in your mind, body, and emotions when you interact with women. The idea here is to build strong character attributes like confidence, courage, honesty, empathy, and high self-esteem. Then, when you interact with women, you will be in the right state of mind because your inner game is strong and always providing you with strength and positive energy. You won’t need to learn a bunch of techniques because when you are coming right from the right mindset, you will naturally say and do things that women would find attractive. Even if you say or do very little at the beginning of your dating process, women will be attracted to who you are on the inside. You won’t be able to help it; rather you will be in flow with the person. How do you feel when you interact with women? Do you feel nervous and suffer from approach anxiety, or do you feel strong and confident? What thoughts are going through your head when you talk to woman? All of these questions have to do with inner game. The level of your inner game will often determine the outcome of your relationship with women.
So whenever your relationship is not working perfectly as you want it, whenever it brings out the madness in you, be glad. What was unconscious is being brought to light. It is an opportunity to consciously transform it as a man from your inner game plan. Always strive to know the cause of the discomfort in your relationships, particularly that of your inner state. Make sure you list out all the qualities you want your woman to possess; things you admires about her. Don’t just go for any woman you see while attracting someone for a long time relationship, rather thrive to attract the woman of choice. Do you like slim fit girls, fat girls or ladies with hips? Write it down. Visualize yourself having a date with your dream girl. Do you like beautiful white or back ladies? Try to know exactly the kind of woman you wish to attract into your life. Then, get your inner game perfected and go for it.
Until Next Time, Live Exceptionally!!!