Building trust with others, reality and ourselves is one of the biggest challenges we face in our career, businesses and our personal relationships. Most people have trust issues, some trust easily while some just live their lives on defaults; whatever that comes their way is okay by them. But in reality, trust supposes to be unconditional for it to last for the test of times. And lowering your expectations and demands for others to be perfect would help you build unconditional trust in the long run than just fighting with people for them to be who you ant them to be. You’ve to understand the dynamics of life and how things work while building trust with reality, others and yourself.
When I trust reality, I don’t trust it to be perfect or favorable at all times. I trust it to behave as reality actually does, which is by far okay for me. And in doing so, my trust is well placed and aligns with how true nature of reality actually behaves. By doing this, I reduce attachment from the outcomes of the reality which gives me enough room to hope for the best and do best with all I do in life.
If you trust reality to be wiser, perfect and more intelligent than human beings, does it always meet that standard? Is that a standard aligned with its actual behavior? Or are you sometimes disappointed when applying that standard. Some of our disappointments with reality are what made us to understand who we truly are and strive to become a better person today. Most of our dreams were brought to live during time of difficulties when we were fighting with reality.
Reality can be incredibly brilliant at times and deeply compassionate at other times, but is it always so based on your understand how it works? You can try to stretch or manipulate that frame to fit every situation, but doesn’t it feel like its bit too much of stretch sometimes? Isn’t it more sensible to sometimes call reality out of for acts that seem stupid clown, or unwise?
Trusting that reality isn’t godlike actually improves our relationship with it. It’s like saying to reality, I see and appreciate you as you are and I’m ready to make do with what you provide for me.
Imagine being in a relationship with a partner you don’t trust. Would you be able to have good clarity in such a relationship? If you don’t trust your partner, you won’t be able to trust that they’ll do what’s mutually beneficial for your relationship. This will make it harder to invest in your relationship. You’ll feel inclined to hold something back. You’ll feel a need to protect yourself against the risk of dishonesty, betrayal, harsh judgment, and so on.
But the odd truth here is that if you knew for certain that you couldn’t trust your partner, you could still experience a strong level of clarity. You wouldn’t bother investing in a trust-based relationship with such a person. You’d focus on self-preservation instead. If you knew that your partner was going to lie, cheat, and perhaps act abusively, and you grew to expect such behaviors and to tolerate them, you could still feel reasonably clear about the relationship and where you stood within it. You’d be savvy enough to learn to control and manipulate your partner instead of trusting them. There are indeed relationships like this, and they’re often fairly stable over many years, so our model of clarity must account for this.
A low-trust relationship can still be a fairly predictable one, and hence it can have relatively high clarity. Suppose, for instance, that you got into a relationship with someone for the secondary gains, such as access to a wealthy lifestyle, and you could freely admit that to yourself (even if you hid that intention from others). And suppose your partner abuses drugs regularly. If you’re honest with yourself about your reasons for being in such a relationship, and if you feel willing and able to deal with the highs and lows because you really want those secondary gains, you could actually surrender to the truth of your situation and thereby feel pretty clear about your path within the scope of that relationship.
You wouldn’t delude yourself into thinking that you have a fairy tale romance. You might put on a good show for other people, but you’d know and accept the truth of your situation. You wouldn’t be so naive as to be fooled by your partner’s frequent lying. When you felt it was important to know the truth in areas where you suspected lying, you’d conduct your own independent investigation rather than accepting your partner’s word. You’d take steps to protect yourself from potential abuse, and you’d accept it as a cost of doing business, so to speak. In a way, you’d actually trust your partner – as in trusting them to behave like a drug abuser or a scoundrel. You’d trust that you couldn’t trust them.
As long as you stayed aligned with the truth of your situation and didn’t pretend that it was something other than it was, you could still feel pretty clear about your journey together and where you were headed. Maintaining a cynical view of your relationship would actually serve your sense of clarity.
When I trust another person, I don’t trust them to be perfect. I trust them to be human and to behave as humans do, and so my trust is well placed and align well with how human actually behave. I don’t go around expecting people to be what I want them to be, rather I saved that energy to encourage them to become all they truly want to become in life. By doing so, I reduce my level of expectations and attachment from the other person and accept them as they are. If they standards are not okay by me, I communicate with them and thrive to attract those who aligned with my standards.
Trusting people never mean you should lower your standard and allow everyone to have same access to your life. Trust people means you’ve understand their motives and drives and allow them be themselves without being manipulative or expecting them to be perfect. You treat people with respect because you value their standards and choices. You create enough room to accommodate people of different standards and select those who aligned with your dreams and life purpose.
Trusting yourself means being able to attempt to do all kinds of things without judging yourself too harshly. When you don’t trust yourself, you might feel uncomfortable spending time looking inward. You might try to keep busy all day by constantly getting involved in activities or thinking about small things outside of yourself. Break the habit of looking away from yourself by patiently looking inward.
You can look in with meditation. Try sitting with yourself in a quiet place for 5 to 15 minutes each day. Pay close attention to your breath and body. As any thoughts or self-criticisms pass by, acknowledge them and then let them go. Allowing time for this important one-on-one with yourself can build up your self-trust.
We lack trust in ourselves when we question our actions or decisions. Sometimes we might even question who we are. That can hurt. Build trust in yourself by breaking your habit of questioning your decisions. Next time you make a choice, stick with it. Even if it turns out not to be the best choice, there’s no use beating yourself up over the decision you made. The best you can do is to learn from your mistake. Believe that you’ll make a better choice next time, and move on. Doing so will help you learn to be more trusting of yourself and your decision-making skills.
When I trust myself, I don’t trust myself to be perfect. I trust myself to be human and to behave as human do, and so my trust is well placed and aligned with how humans actually behave. I don’t in anyway see myself as a perfect being rather, I see myself as someone who has his weaknesses and strength as human do. I don’t project or imagine myself beyond any other human, rather I see myself as somebody is coming up to become a better person in life. I don’t see myself having advantages than other beings rather, I see everyone as equal as I am.
To do otherwise would invite a very fragile and inflexible relationship with reality, others and yourself, one that’s likely to break eventually at any given time. From what I’ve seen, reality itself will break or destroy that kind of relationship over time if we try to manipulate it.
Until Next Time, Live Exceptionally!!!